Still here. . .

They say I have to many irons in the fire. . .   I say to them. . .  I NEED a bigger fire! 

I sit here writing with dozens of thoughts racing across my mind. . .   I want to tell you all so much. . .  I want to share how God is doing amazing things in my life. . .   I want to ask why is it so hard to walk this road. . .    

I made a commitment to myself I was going to dive deeper into The Word. . .  I had picked up a new devotional that was sure to get me on track and keep me there. . .

For some time now, I have been wondering about The Holy Spirit. . .   Last year, after I dropped my little boy off everyday at school, I would pick up my conversation with     GOD. . .  about Will and how I needed Him to take care of him. . .   keep him safe. . .  

 Many times, I felt guilty. . .  for about five minutes of our morning drive, it was just me and Him. . .   My baby girls sat quietly in the back waiting for my attention. . .   It always seemed to be around the same time, same point of my drive that I always ended up asking of HIM the same request. . .  Thinking back. . .  it was always on my mind . . .  It became routine {in a good way} sharing with Him these desires. . .

MORE OF YOU. . .   Oh, LORD. . .  MORE of You! 

USE me. . .  prepare me. . .  FILL me. . .   EXTEND my territory. . .  make me BOLD for YOU. . .   USE ME!!!!!!!!!

Not knowing what exactly this meant, but just knowing I hungered to do HIS will. . . 

I have to say. . .  God heard my cries {and still does}. . .  He has opened some many doors for me to grow spiritually, it just amazes me. . .  The things I have seen. . .  The things I have felt. . . 

At the same time. . .  I feel like I am being attacked on all sides. . .   He knows my weaknesses and he knows where to attack. . .   But HE is always there, reminding me to choose HIM. . .  

About three weeks ago, maybe four. . .  I started writing a post about The Holy Spirit. . .   I have been blessed by a man I now call my friend. . .  even better, my brother in Christ. . .  Sam also writes and shares his love for Christ here {you should check it out}. . .  I LOVE how God knows what we need. . .  who we need. . .   Well, I shared a few things with Sam and he shared a few things with me. . .   One thing he said, that just branded itself onto my heart. . .  whatever you do, he said, just DON’T be afraid. . .  don’t be afraid of what God wants to give you. . .   I don’t think I have gone a day without thinking of those words. . . 

The devil has told me I wasn’t qualified {smart enough} to write the post that awaits in my “drafts” box. . .    Every time I scamper away to write, LIFE  always calls. . .  Maybe I will get finished. . .  Say what I would like to say. . .  Share what God has placed on my heart. . .

But for now. . .   I just wanted to let you all know that I am still here. . .   battling the enemy. . .   still SEEKING more of Him. . .  praying for clarity and direction. . .   trying to hide HIS Word in my heart. . .

I hate being so random with my writing. . .  I SO want to be sure and steadfast. . .  SHARING with all GOD’s goodness and love. . .  if something I say reaches just ONE person. . .  

it.  is.  all.  worth.  it. 

Sam’s words reached me.

Whatever life is throwing at you. . .   Choose HIM. . .  Sometimes it is hard, almost too difficult. . .  BUT hold tight to HIM. . .  CONTINUE seeking more of HIM. . .  

He KNOWS the desires of our heart. . .

I want to fill every moment serving HIM. . .

He KNOWS the desires of my heart. . .

Where I am weak. . .

HE IS STRONG.

 

 

  

Author: Natalie

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